Strange day today. I've felt in a little whirlwind, lacking control, much less focus. I took Kesi to her friend's, and I think one strange thing was that Zack was... ok. Not god, but not as bad as he has been with me. He gave me a cuddle this morning!
Once back at home, I had agreed to a film which gave me the opportunity to iron. I haven't ironed for over a year!! It just hasn't been a priority. But since I started shining my sink, a number of little things have been falling into place. Even Nick says that the house feels different. Maybe it is helping Zack as well. (parenthesis coming up...
I am overwhelmed with self blame when it comes to my little boy. And if it is so hard for me to make sense of the situation, then I cannot expect anyone else to. I just hope that you will have patience with me and accept that I am extremely sensitive when it comes to anything like this. Yes, Zack functions better with tidiness, routine and structure. Would he have been different if I had been FLYing all these ten years? My heart shatters and thinks maybe. My head says no. He has such problems with emotions, and others. Inside that ten year old body lurks a two year old little boy having temper tantrums because he can't have everything he wants, and needing cuddles when he's afraid. Also inside that ten year old body is an adult pattern recogniser, and someone who doesn't understand the difference between a child and an adult. So would tidiness help? Yes. Would it change the outcome as it is today? No. Really. Seriously. (but??? could I have done better?)
As I say - I am really sensitive. I'm working on it, but it's very, very hard, so please bear with me.
...parenthesis over)
So - lack of control, children in the house all day.
BUT!!! I kept to my morning routine, shining my sink after breakfast, swishing and swiping both toilets, brushing my teeth. Getting dressed happens anyway, although I wasn't quite as good with my shoes due to pain. I rebooted the washing machine, and tackled Mount Washmore with the iron. Some putting away is necessary, but the rest is done!!
I'm getting ready to take out my sewing box and deal with some hems and name tapes.
I also managed to take Tom to the hospital and get his stoma checked out - on to the dermatologist now!! And got Zack to a shoe shop adn bought new school shoes and PE trainers.
So - I may have felt out of control, but I've done an awful lot today! Best thing is - the day's not quite over, and I can still do a few things once the kids are in bed!
Once back at home, I had agreed to a film which gave me the opportunity to iron. I haven't ironed for over a year!! It just hasn't been a priority. But since I started shining my sink, a number of little things have been falling into place. Even Nick says that the house feels different. Maybe it is helping Zack as well. (parenthesis coming up...
I am overwhelmed with self blame when it comes to my little boy. And if it is so hard for me to make sense of the situation, then I cannot expect anyone else to. I just hope that you will have patience with me and accept that I am extremely sensitive when it comes to anything like this. Yes, Zack functions better with tidiness, routine and structure. Would he have been different if I had been FLYing all these ten years? My heart shatters and thinks maybe. My head says no. He has such problems with emotions, and others. Inside that ten year old body lurks a two year old little boy having temper tantrums because he can't have everything he wants, and needing cuddles when he's afraid. Also inside that ten year old body is an adult pattern recogniser, and someone who doesn't understand the difference between a child and an adult. So would tidiness help? Yes. Would it change the outcome as it is today? No. Really. Seriously. (but??? could I have done better?)
As I say - I am really sensitive. I'm working on it, but it's very, very hard, so please bear with me.
...parenthesis over)
So - lack of control, children in the house all day.
BUT!!! I kept to my morning routine, shining my sink after breakfast, swishing and swiping both toilets, brushing my teeth. Getting dressed happens anyway, although I wasn't quite as good with my shoes due to pain. I rebooted the washing machine, and tackled Mount Washmore with the iron. Some putting away is necessary, but the rest is done!!
I'm getting ready to take out my sewing box and deal with some hems and name tapes.
I also managed to take Tom to the hospital and get his stoma checked out - on to the dermatologist now!! And got Zack to a shoe shop adn bought new school shoes and PE trainers.
So - I may have felt out of control, but I've done an awful lot today! Best thing is - the day's not quite over, and I can still do a few things once the kids are in bed!
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