Given the knowledge in my head, I have two choices as a parent:
First is simply to let nature take its course. Do nothing despite seeing a problem and knowing its potential outcomes. Notice I say potential - all we are talking about here is risk assessment and risk management. Fancy words to describe what we all do every day. When we choose our clothes for the day, we weigh up the possibility of cold or heat, rain or snow and dress accordingly. When our children choose to wear shorts on a snowy day, most parents will tell them to change and explain why.
So today, I could choose to stop reminding Kesia to drink while she's at home. I could simply record what I see her drinking and ignore the headaches, dry skin, joint and muscle pains and regular stinging and itching when she wees. Then, if she falls ill, I could take her to the doctor or the hospital.
Or.. the second choice is to do the best I can to keep her healthy and happy. Which today would mean reminding her to drink when she gets home, and again at dinner (because her cups are very small indeed). And I could choose to make soups, or jellies for pudding or indeed anything wiht a high liquid content. I could choose to rub her all over with moisturising lotion, and give her some painkillers when she looks pale due to a consistent headache (which she rarely complains of until it has been hurting for quite some time).
Of course, the downside with the second choice, is that she will stay healthy longer. That it would take some major trauma for her to become really ill, because by hook or by crook I am getting liquid into her. And if she stays healthy longer, the initial problem does not become visible to others. So I am relying on others to believe me, to not assume that I am a panicked mother who is so accustomed to dealing with problems that she sees them where there are none.
Trouble is, noone does believe me. They reassure me, they tell me she is drinking, they tell me she is healthy, they tell me that there is no reason to think that she will stop eating again. They tell me that she "needs me to worry about her". I understand that, and I agree. I took that into account before I asked for help.
And again, they question her honesty, my assessment. How do I know that she is not drinking? Well, at home in the holidays, I am with her - so simple observation. At school I do not, but she tells me, and I know my little girl well enough to know when she is lying to me. But professionals then look at me with disbelief - the school says she is drinking...
Facts.
Kesia drinks on average about 200ml of liquid in a 24 hour period if not reminded. She chooses very dry foods over wet ones, and will only add liquid to her cereal if coerced. She will eat yoghurt, and I try to make her meals reasonably high in liquid.
Kesia is 8 years old and weighs around the 18kg mark. (A bit more I think... but you get the picture). According to the Holliday-Segar method which calculates fluid requirements by weight, she needs 1000ml + 50 mls per kg for each kg over 10kg. So that is 1000ml + 50 x 8ml = 1000ml + 400ml = 1400ml per day.
I cannot get her, by cajoling, asking, reminding, explaining or any other method, to drink anything close to this amount of fluid, including what fluid is in her food.
So someone, please tell me. Should I simply stop trying? Is it OK that I risk having to take her to hospital?
See, even now, I can't do that. It would simply be wrong, wouldn't it? Just to have people believe me, is it right to leave my daughter open to that risk?
Or do I carry on with the burden of being told that I am panicking too much. Keep yelling and screaming and shouting for help until someone does hear?
I really don't know. My instincts all overwhelmingly tell me that I must do what I think is right to keep my children healthy and happy. Given that I cannot do this alone, and that I cannot do it simply with Nick's help, that involves asking for help. Which inevitably ends up with me in a room feeling foolish, paranoid and misunderstood. Which often ends up with one of my children in a serious medical or mental crisis.
First is simply to let nature take its course. Do nothing despite seeing a problem and knowing its potential outcomes. Notice I say potential - all we are talking about here is risk assessment and risk management. Fancy words to describe what we all do every day. When we choose our clothes for the day, we weigh up the possibility of cold or heat, rain or snow and dress accordingly. When our children choose to wear shorts on a snowy day, most parents will tell them to change and explain why.
So today, I could choose to stop reminding Kesia to drink while she's at home. I could simply record what I see her drinking and ignore the headaches, dry skin, joint and muscle pains and regular stinging and itching when she wees. Then, if she falls ill, I could take her to the doctor or the hospital.
Or.. the second choice is to do the best I can to keep her healthy and happy. Which today would mean reminding her to drink when she gets home, and again at dinner (because her cups are very small indeed). And I could choose to make soups, or jellies for pudding or indeed anything wiht a high liquid content. I could choose to rub her all over with moisturising lotion, and give her some painkillers when she looks pale due to a consistent headache (which she rarely complains of until it has been hurting for quite some time).
Of course, the downside with the second choice, is that she will stay healthy longer. That it would take some major trauma for her to become really ill, because by hook or by crook I am getting liquid into her. And if she stays healthy longer, the initial problem does not become visible to others. So I am relying on others to believe me, to not assume that I am a panicked mother who is so accustomed to dealing with problems that she sees them where there are none.
Trouble is, noone does believe me. They reassure me, they tell me she is drinking, they tell me she is healthy, they tell me that there is no reason to think that she will stop eating again. They tell me that she "needs me to worry about her". I understand that, and I agree. I took that into account before I asked for help.
And again, they question her honesty, my assessment. How do I know that she is not drinking? Well, at home in the holidays, I am with her - so simple observation. At school I do not, but she tells me, and I know my little girl well enough to know when she is lying to me. But professionals then look at me with disbelief - the school says she is drinking...
Facts.
Kesia drinks on average about 200ml of liquid in a 24 hour period if not reminded. She chooses very dry foods over wet ones, and will only add liquid to her cereal if coerced. She will eat yoghurt, and I try to make her meals reasonably high in liquid.
Kesia is 8 years old and weighs around the 18kg mark. (A bit more I think... but you get the picture). According to the Holliday-Segar method which calculates fluid requirements by weight, she needs 1000ml + 50 mls per kg for each kg over 10kg. So that is 1000ml + 50 x 8ml = 1000ml + 400ml = 1400ml per day.
I cannot get her, by cajoling, asking, reminding, explaining or any other method, to drink anything close to this amount of fluid, including what fluid is in her food.
So someone, please tell me. Should I simply stop trying? Is it OK that I risk having to take her to hospital?
See, even now, I can't do that. It would simply be wrong, wouldn't it? Just to have people believe me, is it right to leave my daughter open to that risk?
Or do I carry on with the burden of being told that I am panicking too much. Keep yelling and screaming and shouting for help until someone does hear?
I really don't know. My instincts all overwhelmingly tell me that I must do what I think is right to keep my children healthy and happy. Given that I cannot do this alone, and that I cannot do it simply with Nick's help, that involves asking for help. Which inevitably ends up with me in a room feeling foolish, paranoid and misunderstood. Which often ends up with one of my children in a serious medical or mental crisis.
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