I'm sure many of you know the feeling of a day that simply needs to end. Something happens... if you're lucky it'll happen at the end of the day, less lucky and it's minutes after you wake up... and everything simply implodes. You feel stuck and lost and if you're truly lucky you can dimly remember that all you need to do is wait because things will be better tomorrow. I'm making this the mark of my sanity, actually. If I can remember that little fact, I can make it through the day. Just now, at 7pm I'm beginning to feel better because today is finally at an end.
This morning was fairly average, though to be frank I think that puberty hormones are raging in my dear little girl. The rage that has been coursing through her is quite something to behold!!! So... one child who has already spent two hours worrying (small word for a big emotion) about school is also angry as hell and hey, Mum's such a convenient punch bag (emotional, not physical thank goodness). And another child who may well be picking up on the stress but is being a brat over nothingness and yelling at me - apparently I am a meanie and an idiot.
Well, normally I would take all this in my stride, calm one and be unmistakably cross with the other. Today, I was human.
So I was quite hugely tired and frustrated with the constant, inescapable anxiety of child one, and not as patient as she needed me to be. And I snapped at the other - I don't like being called names. I didn't like it as a child and I like it less as an adult - especially when it comes from my children. We managed to get into the car and found a parking space. Tom out and in his power chair - yay!!! Kesia... stuck and refusing to move.
Once more I found myself going towards the human option. The normal and only viable option was to stay very calm, talk gently and slowly coax her out (imagine a cat stuck up a tree). The human option was to raise my voice, get frustrated, and eventually to go and get her... Which wasn't the right thing to do, but hey - that's where I ended up today. The inevitable followed: I had to keep hold of her to stop her running away and the hand over to school staff was simply ugly. And because I was still being human, I left.
As I left, any semblance of coping left me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk. Argh, emotional pain just plain hurts!!!
So... On the basis that expanding on that last statement would have me in a state (not to mention those of you who know me also tend to get upset if I do), I leave a blank. The episode of the morning emptied me and exhausted me and since 8:55, I have simply been desperately waiting for the day to end.
Here we are! It's 7:20pm. I've had dinner (thank you Nick!!!), Tom is in bed (after a phenomenal tantrum this evening) and Kesia will be on her way in a few minutes. Today is over.
My bestest friend in the whole wide world is about to pop over for a cuppa, and already I'm properly aware that the weight that has been hanging over me all day is not a forever thing. Tomorrow will be better. So long as I can keep those pesky human reactions at bay, I'll be fine :)
This morning was fairly average, though to be frank I think that puberty hormones are raging in my dear little girl. The rage that has been coursing through her is quite something to behold!!! So... one child who has already spent two hours worrying (small word for a big emotion) about school is also angry as hell and hey, Mum's such a convenient punch bag (emotional, not physical thank goodness). And another child who may well be picking up on the stress but is being a brat over nothingness and yelling at me - apparently I am a meanie and an idiot.
Well, normally I would take all this in my stride, calm one and be unmistakably cross with the other. Today, I was human.
So I was quite hugely tired and frustrated with the constant, inescapable anxiety of child one, and not as patient as she needed me to be. And I snapped at the other - I don't like being called names. I didn't like it as a child and I like it less as an adult - especially when it comes from my children. We managed to get into the car and found a parking space. Tom out and in his power chair - yay!!! Kesia... stuck and refusing to move.
Once more I found myself going towards the human option. The normal and only viable option was to stay very calm, talk gently and slowly coax her out (imagine a cat stuck up a tree). The human option was to raise my voice, get frustrated, and eventually to go and get her... Which wasn't the right thing to do, but hey - that's where I ended up today. The inevitable followed: I had to keep hold of her to stop her running away and the hand over to school staff was simply ugly. And because I was still being human, I left.
As I left, any semblance of coping left me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk. Argh, emotional pain just plain hurts!!!
So... On the basis that expanding on that last statement would have me in a state (not to mention those of you who know me also tend to get upset if I do), I leave a blank. The episode of the morning emptied me and exhausted me and since 8:55, I have simply been desperately waiting for the day to end.
Here we are! It's 7:20pm. I've had dinner (thank you Nick!!!), Tom is in bed (after a phenomenal tantrum this evening) and Kesia will be on her way in a few minutes. Today is over.
My bestest friend in the whole wide world is about to pop over for a cuppa, and already I'm properly aware that the weight that has been hanging over me all day is not a forever thing. Tomorrow will be better. So long as I can keep those pesky human reactions at bay, I'll be fine :)
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